The Aloha Girls

Hey, all ewe wiener lovers! Yep, it’s me, Jazzy the Amazing Wiener! I’ve been takin’ an extra long summer vakashun as ewe kan see from my lapse of posting! Stop grumbling! A wiener’s gotta do whut a wiener’s gotta do!

I’m shure ewe noticed my weally hot pikchur above in my purty new bikini! I do look like one hot dog, don’t eye?! See, I’m gettin’ weady for a weally cool event called da “Dog Days of Summer Pool Party!” It’s gonna happy on Sunday, August 15th frum 6-8 p.m.

an my furry friends, da Bark Park Buddies, are going to host it along wid da Benevolent and Protective Order of Elks. I donut nos if dat meens der will be weal elks der, but it shud make for sum fun pikchurs!

Anyways, da pool party is gonna be at de Elks Lodge over at 1060 Swan Drive behind da Walmart in Bartlesville, OK. Dat’s where I lives. It costs $5 per dog and $2 per person to get in all da fun! Plus der will be hot dogs, a raffle, contests, an more! Man, I tell ya, it’s gonna be a weally gud time! I may be wittle, but I bet ewe I kan outswim any oder wiener out der!

Here’s a poster about da event…my Mom over at Tyler Creative made it. I taught her everyting dat she nos! She’s purty good, huh?!

Oh, an I’m not supposed to tell dis, but she is totally redesigning her Web site an also redesigning da TylerDog Cards web site wid a new store an everyting! I’ll tell all ewe about it first ‘for she does ’cause I am Jazzy the Amazing Wiener Who Knows All and Tells All!

So, back to da pool party…

Even tho I say dat Katie is dopey, she looks kinda cute in her bikini, too, don’t ewe tink? I tink dat we wud be da two cutest girls ever at da party!

So if ewe haf nuthin’ to do, come out to da Bark Park Buddies “Dog Days of Summer Pool Party” an party wid da hot dogs!

All my luv to my wiener fans!

Jazzy the Amazing Wiener

Wiener Wisdom #10: Beware of exploding Doberman Pinscher brains!

Beware! This Doberman puppy might grow up to have an exploding brain!

Okay, now dat might sound like a weally weird ting to type! But I gots to comment on dis simply ’cause Mom came home an told me about it. It made me laff so hard I thought I’d die! BOL! BOL! (For de uninitiated, BOL means “barking out loud!” See, us dogs haf our own online shorthand!).

Okay, da weason I typed dat iz ’cause of dis story dat Mom told me. She sed dat twice now she has been asked dis question by peeple who claims to be knowledgeable dog persons. Dey asked her if it was true dat de weason Doberman Pinschers attack der owners when dey get old (Myth #1), iz ’cause der brains keep growing in der skulls (Myth #2) an eventually der brains jest explode in der heads (Myth #3).

Mom sed wen she herd dis question, she was so stunned she cud hardly respond! I tol her dat it was prolly a gud ting I wasn’t der ’cause I wud haf had to slap des peeple silly! Come on peeple, let’s tink about dis! Mom sed I had to type da Myths correctly so it shows up in da search engines wight (whutever dat meens), so here goes…

Myth #1: Dobermans (or any dog for that matter) attack their owners when they get old.
False. If getting old means you get aggressive and attack, might want to avoid my Mom. She just turned 47 and will probably go Crazy Mad Dog on your patootie if age is a factor in aggression. Mom is a “red zone” case if I’ve ever seen one! (I wanted to type ass back there, but Mom said this is a G-rated blog. I told her to grow a pair!).

I digress…

Seriously, dogs don’t attack because they get old. Dogs, or any animal for that matter, can attack at any age, yes. And when they do, granted it’s terrible. But I go back to what I have always said: Train your dog properly and you will avoid situations like this. Most animals attack only when provoked. Now, before you email bomb me for that, I said most. Are some attacks unprovoked? Yes. Especially when dealing with unpredictable wild animals. But we’re not talking about Mom…I mean wild animals. We’re talking about dogs. Ultimately, it falls back on the human to train their dogs to be social and well-mannered, not Crazy Mad Dog like my Mom! Train your dogs, people, so they know not to chase the mailman or chew ankles off the UPS guy. You got ‘em. It’s your responsibility!

Myth #2: Dobermans (or any dog for that matter) brains continue to grow in their skull after maturity.
False! Does YOUR brain continue to grow to the point of exploding? Think about it! I won’t even go any further in dignifying this remark. You reach maturity, your brain does, too. Or at least one hopes it does. Some folks still walk around with an adolescent brain! Trust me, I’ve witnessed enough adolescent brains in grown-up folk, and I’m just a little Wiener.

Myth #3: Dobermans have a tendency to have exploding brains.
False. My Mom has owned Doberman Pinschers for 28 years and in those 28 years, she has yet to witness an exploding Doberman brain. On occasion, I have wished Katie’s brain would explode, especially after she chews on my head or thinks my back leg is a chicken leg! Otherwise, no exploding Doberman brains here.

Okay, I’m done typin’ korreckly.

Now, as much as I make fun of Dopey Katie an tell peeple she’s stupid an all, for a dog, she’s purty smart. Accordin’ to an artikle Mom wead to me, “Doberman Pinschers ranked #5 in a scientific study by psychology researcher Stanley Coren, based on an analysis of data from dog-obedience judges in the U.S. and Canada (Cesar’s Way magazine, April 2010, pg. 21).” Not bad. I’m rather ticked off, tho. Dey didn’t say nuthin’ about Dachshunds beein’ smart. I tink da results were wigged, I tell ya!

Anyway, next time sumone asks ewe if Doberman brains explode, ewe now haf all da information ewe need to enlighten dem…wight before ewe smack ‘em upside da head!

Buddy the Doberman Pinscher Mix

Speakin’ of Dobermans (guess dis is a Dobie day!), Mom has been wurkin’ wid a weally sweet Dobie mix named Buddy. Buddy was dumped at da Washington County SPCA. He was weally skeered at first. He wudn’t walk on a leash an did da Alligator Roll! He wud eat his leash, too! Mom started wurkin’ wid him an now Buddy walks like a champion! He also is learnin’ how to sit, down, an stay. Mom sed he loves to pway fetch, but mostly Buddy just loves to be loved. I tink dat I’m gonna start callin’ him Buddy Love! Here’s his pikchur…isn’t he handsome?

Buddy the Doberman reacts to the iPhone as it rings while taking his photo!

Der are so many wonderful animals available for adoption at the Washington County SPCA. Even if ewe don’t or kan’t adopt one, dey still need volunteers who will walk da dogs, love da kitties, an jest help out in general! One of my Mom’s hewmon friends has an group called GiveJust1. It talks about how if we all jest gave one day of service to help another, whut a wonderful world it wud be. Tink about it! GiveJust1!

An on dat note, I bid ewe adieu! Hugs and luv to ewe all!

Luv,
Jazzy the Amazing Wiener!

Wiener Wisdom #9: April showers brings muddy paws!

I wunner if Mom will jest karry me everywhere?! I’m wittle, I don’t weigh dat much an shoot, she cud jest karry me like a football an den my wittle feets wud never haf to get muddy!

Yesterday, I watched Lily playin’ wid da soccer ball an man, was her face all muddy! I told Mom she shure wud look cute wid a Mia Hamm jersey on while she plays wid da ball. Lily was all like, “Huh? Did ewe say I get sum ham?” Poor Loopy Lily. She’s jest not weally bright, but I luf my pet! I tink she’s been hangin’ out wid Dopey Katie a wittle too much!

Mom in Cesar’s Way magazine

I haf sum gud news! I am weally proud of my Mom. Oder dan da fact she jest turned 47 on April 1st and is weally old (oops! I wasn’t supposed to say dat, was I?! ), she jest found out her photos were published in  a magazine called Cesar’s Way! Dat’s Cesar Millan, the Dog Whisperer. He has a weally cool magazine an her pikchurs are on pages 95 and 96, featuring Betty, Scrappy, and Kelly for a brand new series called “Adorable, Adoptable and Ready for Love.” Dey forgot to give her credit, so look for da pikchurs of da dogs she photograffed! Izn’t dat kool? I’m so proud of ewe, Mom! Here’s a link to da photos she taked.

I tink dat she tinks now she’s gonna be famous like me. I humored her an sed, “Oh, sure, Mom! Ewe will be!” She jest doesn’t unnerstand, tho. She is gud, no doubt. I meen, shoot. I taught her everyting I nos, so she bedder be gud! But I am amazing! I meen, der is a weason my name is Jazzy the Amazing Wiener!

All wight, wiener lovers. Dat’s all for now! Have a wunnerful Monday

Luv,
Jazzy the Amazing Wiener!

Wiener Wisdom #8: Don’t mess wid a wittle wiener ’cause we gots weally sharp teeth!

Twust me, ewe do not wanna make dis wiener mad! Jest ask Katie! See dos teeth?!

Sheesh! Now I gots to go get a tweat or sumthin’ to calm down!

Wemember, if ewe wanna post, I’d luv for ewe to post, but if ur gonna spam, we’re gonna bite ewe in da patootie!

Luv,
Jazzy the Amazing Wiener

Wiener Wisdom #7: Kitty crunchies may look like Tootsie rolls, but twust me, dey don’t taste like ‘em!

Seriously, peeple, dey don’t taste nuthin’ like Tootsie Rolls! Ick is all I gots to say! Ick, ick, and where is da wiener mouthwash?!

Luv,
Jazzy the Amazing Wiener

Anyways, if ewe want to wead about it, here’s da link to Romeo the Cat’s blog. Enjoy!

Luv,
Jazzy the Amazing Wiener

Wiener Wisdom #6: Wen da temperature is -XX it don’t matter what da XX is. Ur gonna freeze ur patootie off!

See, dey’ve been sayin’ all day dat it’s gonna be weally cold tonight and it’s gonna be zero an -10 and -20 win chills. I don’t nos whut all dat meens, but whut I do no is dat will freeze ur patootie off no matter what da number is afer da minus sign!

I’ve alweady tol Mom dat der is no way I’m gonna go outside in dis, so she jest eider bring in some grass or put down a puppy pad! She tol me it was negotiable. Ha! I don’t tink so!

So, if ewe nos sumone dat has anipals dat need shelter, help dem out! It’s too cold in dis kind of weather to leave dem out, even if ewe do put straw down. Help out dos dat can’t help demself, okay?

In da meentime, stay warm!

Luv,
Jazzy the Amazing Wiener

Dat’s whut I tink of sneaky treats!

See, dos hewmons of ours, dey sumtimes tink dat dey haf to trick us into takin’ our medicine an stuff. So dey get out da peanut butter, dey get out da hot dogs, dey resort to flat-out trickery! It’s jest not wight, I tell ewe! Now I never nos if Mom is givin’ me a treat jest ’cause I’m the princess dat I am or if she’s sneekin’ sum glue-cosa…gluckomeen…glue stuff into my treat to make my back bedder! She’s makin’ me paranoid, I swear!

So, a word to da wise…sniff dos treats gud before ewe bite into it! An it doesn’t hurt to pretend to be a cat, every so often, an gack it back up if ewe find da pill!

Luv,
Jazzy the Amazing Wiener

Wiener Wisdom #3: Why walk wen ewe kan make ur hewmon carry ewe?

Now, I nos for sum of ewe dat’s jest not an option. Katie twied it for a longtime an even now she twies to climb up on Mom to get carried. But she jest looks silly! An sure, maybe a Saint Bernard or Mastiff or sumthin’ like dat kan’t be carried around…

Me, on da oder hand, I’m jest da perfect size for my hewmons to pick me up an carry me everywhere! I learned early on dat if I look up at my hewmons wid weally sad little eyes, dey will do jest about anyting! Now dat’s a secret, so don’t be tellin’ Mom or givin’ her dis Web address, okay? I gots to keep my hewmons in line, an if sad wittle Wiener eyes works, den I’ll do it!

So remember, why walk wen ewe kan be carried!

Luv,
Jazzy the Amazing Wiener