Archive for the ‘Birth’ Category
Hey, all you wiener lovers! Hope you had a very safe and happy 4th of July! It was fairly uneventful around here. Well, other than Katie quaking with fear every time a firecracker went off. I hate to admit it, but even I felt sorry for her!
Okay, as promised, today is the story of my birth. I was born January 20, 2003. Now, as you can see from my picture above, I was a very tiny little baby! What happened was, my Papa, who happens to be my Momma’s nephew, wanted a Miniature Dachshund. Momma said he could finally get one after her old Dobie, Tyler, passed away. I never met Tyler, but from what I heard, he was an awesome Doberman who lived to be 13 years old! More on him later.
So the search was on for a most amazing wiener puppy!
Our Mamaw, who is my Momma’s Mom and my Papa’s Grandma (see, I told you I have a weird family structure!), just happened to find me in the hills of Arkansas. Can you say road trip?! When they got there, my Papa fell in love with me. Can you blame him? I mean, just look at how darn cute I am!
I was so very tiny! I was nine weeks old in the picture above and weighed less than one pound! I have chew toys bigger than that! But my Momma and Papa loved me! Of course, they also christened me with that godawful Star Trek moniker I spoke of earlier, so I question exactly how much they loved me! But it’s all good. I ended up with a cool name, Jazzy the Amazing Wiener! Okay, so maybe I added “…the amazing wiener” part, but it’s true and you know it!
So that’s the end of the story.
Just wanted to make sure you were still paying attention.
Next thing you know, I have to go to the doggie hospital ’cause my poo didn’t look good (yes, you get all the gory details in this blog! and what’s even worse is that Mom looked at my poo. Ick!). The doggie doctor told my Momma I caught something at my previous home, I was very sick, and might not make it! Plus, on top of that, I was very skinny to be nine weeks old even though my little belly was fat! Oh, and to make things even worse, my fontanelle (the soft spot on the top of a baby’s skull) wasn’t closed! He told Momma it didn’t look good!
(If this were a Grey’s Anatomy episode, dramatic music would be cued about right now, McDreamy would be looking grim, and Meredith would look, well, like freaked-out Meredith always looks!)
Back to the story. Mom had just lost Tyler and she was determined she wasn’t going to lose me, so she and my Papa took turns feeding me every few hours and giving me medicine. They watched me like a hawk! Looking back, it explains the weird dreams of giants looming over me that I had as an infant!
In just a few weeks, I bounced back with a vengeance and next thing you know, I’m up eating kibble like a pro! The plate’s bigger than me, but by golly I still ate like the little piglet I am!
Granted, I still wasn’t very big, but I knew I was going to turn out to be one amazing wiener, which I have done! That was a whole six years ago and boy, do I have a lot of stories to tell over the past six years. I’ve been through a lot for a little wiener. These Hollywood stars, they ain’t got nothing on me for drama and excitement!
Like next up, when Momma and Papa brought me home, they introduced me to a giant dog that weighed 138 pounds! And I’m not kidding when I say giant. He was a mutant! He could have been Primus in Transformers! They put me on the floor with this huge, black dog that looked like me, but I tell ya, his paw was bigger than my head! That’s the next story you get to hear: meeting the infamous Grady the Doberman!
A little trivia about our first meeting: Grady was scared of me!
So, that’s the story of my birth. Like I said, I bounced back with a vengeance! The picture below shows me only a few weeks after my near-death experience. Don’t I look cute?!
Love, Jazzy the Amazing Wiener
Oh, my dog! My blog has officially arrived! It took Mom forever to get it done, but it’s here and now I finally have enough room to say what I want! I love my twitter, but that 140 character limit was killing me! I’m a Wiener with a lot to say, ya know!
Okay, first things first. Mom told me that if I had a blog, I absolutely could not misspell stuff like I’ve been doing on twitter. I informed her since I didn’t have thumbs, she needs to take another look at exactly who was doing the typing! She just shook her head at me and walked away. I think I got her!
So, for those of you who don’t know me (like maybe five people in the entire world!), my name is Jazzy the Amazing Wiener! Well, actually my name is Jazzy or Jazz. Sometimes it’s Baby Girl. And sometimes it’s Damn Dog (be forewarned, this is a PG-13 blog. Sometimes I might say the D-word, but that’s all. Mom said I have a dirty mouth. I told her to kiss my patootie!).
Anyway, back to the story…
Officially, my real name is Jadzia Dax of Poogie. Now, could we just stop a minute and discuss parents who name their kids really weird stuff? And yes, I am my Mom and Papa’s kid, so for the non-dog people who take issue with this word usage, first off, why are you reading my blog?! And secondly, maybe I don’t walk on two legs, but I am my Mom and Papa’s kid! Note to readers: my even weirder family history of Mom and Papa will also be explained soon. It’s an Arkansas thing!
Now, where was I? Oh, yeah…
I mean, come on ~ Jadzia Dax of Poogie?! What kind of name is that?! Do you have any idea the humiliation I have gone through, knowing I’m named after some Star Trek character?! The dogs in the neighborhood have had a field day with it! “Oh, oh, beam me up, Jazzy!” or “Make it so, Jazzy!” or “Got your phaser on stun, Captain Jazzy?!” Please!!!
The rest of my name is my Papaw’s nickname when he was a kid, so I’m not too grumpy over that!
Why couldn’t Mom have named me Angelina Jolie the Hottest Wiener Around? or maybe Sandra The Butt-kicking Wiener Bullock? or even Paula Deen the Best Cooking Wiener Ever! At least she didn’t name me Princess or Fluffy or one of those frou-frou names. I am not a frou-frou dog, for cryin’ out loud! (No offense to any Princesses or Fluffys, but we’re not just fluffy material!)
But I digress…
I guess my name’s not half bad after all because, for one, I am a jazzy little dog!
Well, since this is my first blog post, I don’t wanna wear you out reading, so come back again soon and I’ll tell you my birth story next.
Until then, this is Jazzy the Amazing Wiener signing off!