RIP Gizmo ~ my boyfriend

My sweet boyfriend frum Arkansas, Gizmo the Miniature Pinscher, died today. I iz heartbroken, so I decided to write dis tribute to him!

Dat’s him above. Isn’t he handsome?!

Gizmo belonged to my Mamaw an Papaw. One day wen my Mamaw wuz at wurk, she saw dis wittle dog running down da road wid a chain on his neck. She jest knew he wuz gonna get hit, so she scooped him up outta da road. He wuz in bad shape an ewe cud tell he’d been running awhile. Sumone had even done sumthin’ bad to him ‘cuz he had a scarred bald spot of fur dat never grew back!

So, wight den, Mamaw decided to take Gizmo home. She saved his wittle life dat day. An in turn, he brought joy an happiness to my Mamaw an Papaw for so many yeers! One day, Papaw told my Mom, “Listen to this! He can say ‘I love you!’” Well, we all tink our dogs kan talk, wight? Well, wittle Gizmo cud! He tol Papaw, “I love you!” It sounded sorta like “Owwrr  ruuuuvv ewe!” but ewe nos whut I meen! Mom wuz weally impressed! Gizmo wuz one smart little MinPin!

Wen I wud go visit Mamaw an Papaw, Gizmo turned on da charm! He wud kleen my ears an lick my neck an kiss me all da time! At first, I acted like I didn’t like him an wud hide unnerneath Mamaw’s china cabinet! But I wuz weally jest playin’ hard to get! Gizmo weally showed me how much he loved me one day wen he took on Grady da Doberman Pinscher! I guess he thought Grady wuz competition, but Grady wuz my broder. Yucky to dat idea! Anyways, Grady gots close to me one day an Gizmo decided he wuz gonna eat Grady for lunch! Grady backed up an went away. Gizmo wuz so proud, his wittle chest puffed right out an he sed, “See there, Jazzy! No one messes with my Wiener!” I couldn’t bear to tell him Grady cud put a can of Whoop-a** on him so fast his wittle head wud spin, so I jest let him tink he skeered Grady off! It wuz cute!

Gizmo wuz a weally kool guy. Mamaw sed every night he wud haf ice cream wid dem. He liked his ice cream! He also luved his wittle bear! Mamaw never let me play wid his bear. In fact, she wud put it up wen I comed to visit! I guess she thought I wud tear it up or sumthin’. Can’t imagine why! :) Anyways, Mamaw an Papaw sed Gizmo wud not go to bed at night widout his wittle bear. An if he cudn’t find it, dey had to get up an help him find his bear! If he gots tired before Mamaw an Papaw were ready for bed, he wud sumtimes stand in da bedroom door an cry at dem, tryin’ to get dem to go to bed wid him!

But ewe nos whut Gizmo loved most of all? His Mamaw an Papaw. He tol me one time, “You know, Jazzy, I was so scared that day when Mamaw found me. I had been running for what felt like forever. I was hungry. I was tired. And I was scared. When Mamaw scooped me up and looked at me with those pretty blue eyes, I knew my life was going to change for the better! I vowed right then and there that everyday I would do my best to make them happy, watch over them, and protect them as long as I could. They saved my life that day, Jazzy.” I jest cried an cried wen Gizmo tol me dat story. It wuz so touching an I’m so glad Mamaw saved him. Da pikchur below iz Mamaw an Gizmo frum a few yeers ago. Aren’t they both jest beautiful!

Gizmo, ewe are da sweetest boyfriend I haf ever had an I am going to miss ewe sumthin’ awful! Wen ewe gets to da Rainbow Bridge, tell Grady hi for me an twy to be nice to him, ok?

I luv ewe, Gizmo, and I’ll miss you.

Luv,

Jazzy the Amazing Wiener

 

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Happy New Year 2012!

Happy New Year from Dopey Katie, Big Head, Jazzy the Amazing Wiener and Maggie Monster aka Katie, Xena, Jazzy and Maggie.

Happy New Year from Dopey Katie, Big Head, Jazzy the Amazing Wiener and Maggie Monster aka Katie, Xena, Jazzy and Maggie.

Hey all ewe wiener peeps! Happy New Year 2012! Yesterday, Mom spent most of da day takin’ pikchurs of us for our “Happy New Year” kard. I tol Mom, “Look, I ain’t wearin’ no Mardi Gras beads ‘cuz I nos whut ewe haf to do to get ‘em! An besides, Mom, I wanna nos eggactly how ewe gots dem!” She tol me, “Look, little wiener, your Uncle Bernie got those beads for us and I don’t have a clue what he did to get them, but you probably don’t want to know!” I wuz shocked! Den again, it’s my Uncle Bernie an he’s my Papa’s dad, so it makes sense. Dey are all goofballs, but I luvs dem anyways ‘cuz dey be my family!

I haf been tinkin’ a lot about whut all dis “new year” stuff is about. Peeple haf been saying on Facebook dat 2011 was hard. Yeah, it wuz. But to be honest, I donut tink 2011 wuz any harder dan, say, 1914, 1929, 1939. All dos yeers had weally bad tings happen. In fact, if ewe look at history, jest about every yeer has sumthin’ bad happen in it.

Let’s face it, wiener peeps, bad tings happen no matter what da year.

If all we focus on is da bad, we’ll find it. Sure, it’s hard to see gud wen ur drowning in debt. Kan’t find a job. Or a loved one is in da hospital. Or ur heart has been broken. I remember a heartbreaking phone call I receeved a long time ago, anguish on da oder end, “I’ll never love again!” It wuz my Papa wen he wuz only eight yeers old. Well, he didunt akshully call me. He called my Mom. But she tol me about it.

Anyway, I digress.

Mom sed my poor Papa was brokenhearted. Third grade, eight yeers old, an he wuz never gonna fall in love again! Mom listened an twied to comfort him best she cud, all da while smilin’ on da oder end because she knew, surely, he would fall in love again, many times. He wud have his heart broken again, many times. An yet, he wud get up anoder day to do it all over again.

Why? Because der is gud in dis world. Ewe will win sum. Ewe will lose sum. Ewe will get jobs. Ewe may lose a job. Ewe will get ur heart broken. Ewe will swear never to fall in love again. Ewe’ll make friends. Ewe will lose friends. Ewe may even lose loved ones.

But ewe will never lose da memories ewe haf made. Ewe will never lose da moments ewe haf experienced dat fill ur heart. I tol Mom, “The good and the bad, it’s what makes us who we are.” She wuz shocked I typed right, but I tol her dat wuz an original WienerBites quote, so it needed to be right. :)

It’s true! Da gud an da bad, it’s whut makes us who we are. So embrace the bad an learn from it. Hold on to da gud for all it’s worth an store it up for dos rainy days. An remember, life happens. It’s up to ewe to decide whut to do wid it!

Happy New Year! I luv all of ewe!

Love,

Jazzy the Amazing Wiener

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Merry Christmas! Feliz Navidad! Mele Kalikimaka!

Hey, all ewe wiener lovers! I iz back! I  tol myself, “Jazzy, ewe haf been weally bad about not updatin’ ur blog. All ewe do is stay on Facebook all da time! So whut if der are 800 million peeple on Facebook?! Maybe der are one or two who aren’t an ewe shud make sure to update ur blog for dos one or two peeps!” So, dat’s whut I’m doing. For da two peeple in da hole wide world dat aren’t on Facebook an donut follow me der, dis blog post is for ewe!

Merry Christmas from Jazzy the Amazing Wiener

On wid da show…!

It seems dat Christmas is fast approaching. For sum of us, dat’s a happy time, for oders, not so much. I wuz tellin’ Mom da oder day, “Ewe nos, Mom, der are still a lot of peeple dat donut haf jobs. An sum of dem donut haf very much money. Whut does dat meen for der wittle kids for Christmas?”

She tol me, “Well, Jazzy, it means for some folks Christmas isn’t going to be much fun. Sure, us older folks don’t care as much about gifts and stuff. But for the little kids, it’s going to be a sad time if there aren’t any presents under the tree.”

Mom wen on to tell me a story dat about my Great Grandpa. I never meeted my Great Grandpa, but frum whut I heer, he was an all right guy. Mom said, “You know, Jazzy, it’s not always about toys and presents. I remember when I was little, Grandpa told us a story. We were sitting down to Christmas dinner. The table was loaded full of food. It all smelled and looked so good, our mouths were watering! Then Grandpa said, with his voice breaking, ‘You know, I remember we were so poor, all we had for one Christmas was a ’possum that Dad went out and killed for us. And now, I look at all this food, and all of you sitting around this table, and I thank God for it. Yet I still remember that possum.’

Mom sed der wusn’t a dry eye at da table wen he tol dat story. I wuz a wittle puzzled ‘cuz I didn’t get it. So I asked her to explain.

“Whut did he meen dat he still remembered dat ’possum, Mom?” I asked her.

She sed, “Jazz, what Grandpa meant is even though he was blessed with a table overflowing with food, even though God had blessed him throughout his life and brought him from his poor beginnings, he never forgot where he came from and the ‘gift’ of that ’possum for their meal. He never forgot how blessed he was each and everyday.”

An truth be tol, afer she explained it to me, der wuzn’t a dry eye on dis wiener either!

So I asked her, “Mom, whut can we do for da little kids dat maybe aren’t gonna get any toys or maybe donut haf any food for der Christmas dinner?”

And she sed, “Jazzy, we can make a difference. There are angel trees all around the place with lists of toys and clothes and stuff kids needs. There are food pantries and homeless shelters that desperately need more volunteers this holiday season to help all those who won’t have a nice Christmas like others will. There’s a lot of ways to help, you just have to get out there and find them.”

I tol Mom, “Ewe nos whut, Mom? I tink dat is a gud idea. Maybe whut we shud do is tell people da best gift dey can EVER give anyone is the gift of themselves. The gift of giving. The gift of helping sumone who’s down on der luck. The gift of a smile. Dat donut cost a ting! Dat’s whut we shud do, Mom! Tell people to volunteer an help oders!”

Mom sed she thought dat wuz a gud idea, too. I refrained frum tellin’ her I knowed it wuz a gud idea ‘cuz I thought of it. Figgered I’d better still stay on her gud side until Christmas is over or dat piece of coal might jest end up in my stocking!

So, all ewe wiener peeps, I want ewe to make me a promise. Help someone in dis coming yeer. Volunteer!

But most of all, remember da ’possum.

Merry Christmas to all of you!

Love,
Jazzy the Amazing Wiener

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Mango Margaritas and other stuff

Hey, all ewe wiener lovers…dis is Jazzy the Amazing Wiener! An wud ewe belief dat I finally got Mom to get off her patootie an do me anoder podcast?! Yep, I did! She promised me she wud start helpin’ me doo dem, so now ewe will get to hear me more often! Woo-hoo! Dis is one happy wittle wiener!

Dis time, I iz gonna be talkin’ about whut happens wen Mom goes to Tulsa an leefs me in charge! Mom wen to Tulsa da oder day an boy, did we haf a fine time! Click da icon below to find out whut happened…

Oh, an before ewe start sayin’ stuff like I shudn’t be dooin’ dat…I jest want to remind ewe dat I’m 8 whole yeers old, so technically I’m old enuff to do whut I want!

Anway, here’s my podcast!

WienerBites Episode 3
(iPhone/iPad users click album art to play; everyone else click the player below)


Isn’t dat about da funniest ting ewe’ve ever herd? I meen, Big Head has seriously gotta get a wittle smaller hed ‘cuz she wreaks disaster everywhere!

Well, all my wiener luvin’ peeps, it’s time for me to go have my evening snak. I’m hopin’ for ice cream, but knowin’ Mom, I’ll prolly jest get a piece of cheese or sumthin’!

Stay cool and tune in later for anoder episode!

Luv, Jazzy the Amazing Wiener!

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Happy birthday Katie!

Friday, July 1st wuz my sister, Katie’s, fourth birfday. She is a Doberman Pinscher. Dat’s a dog dat looks like me but has weally long legs. Jest tink, I cud be a short Doberman Pinscher. Ha!

Anyways, I thought it might be nice if I tol Katie’s birth story. See, I wuz almost 4 yeers ol when Mom brought Katie home. It wuz me an my broder, Grady, who lived here. I wuz in charge, like I always iz, an Mom didn’t even come ask me if I wanted a new puppy! She jest brought it home! Sheesh!

Well, Katie wuz sick. She looked all scrawny an ribs stickin’ out an everyting. I sed, “Mom, take it back! It’z defective! It’z contagious! It looks like it’z gonna croak any minute!” Mom sed, “Shh, Jazzy. This little girl has had a hard life already and we’re going to help her get better and give her a great new home.” I wuz totally disgusted Mom didn’t listen to my advice. But den she explained everyting about Katie. She sed she was born into a little of 12 puppies. Ten of da puppies got Parvo and died. One puppy didn’t get it. An Katie got it, but she survived. Dat wuz whut Mom said tol her she had to take Katie.

See, Mom’s oder Doberman, Tyler, gots parvo wen he wuz a puppy, too. An he survived. So Mom felt like it wuz a sign dat she shud get Katie. Now here’s da ting. See, da lady who had all des puppies…she called Mom up an sed, “I have a pup that you need to look at.” Well, Mom sed no. She cudn’t afford it right now. She didn’t need anoder dog. But da lady sed, “Just come look at her.” So Mom did an ewe nos how dat turned out! Da lady tol Mom she didn’t want no money for her, she wanted to gif Katie to her so she wud haf a good home.

So Katie comes home. She wuz barely bigger dan me! She wuz young an dumb. Grady took one look at her an sed, “Ewe haf got to be kidding me?!” Akshully, it sounded more like, “What the hell….?!” But dis is supposed to be a PG blog, so Mom tol me to cut da rest of da cusswords dat Grady sed.

So Katie fitted right in frum da beginning. I meen, she looked like me an Grady. Had da same colors an all. But boy, wuz she dumb! She runned round like a crazy dog haf da time! She barked at everyting! She ated everyting! Which made Mom haf to spend money ’cause she ated a bunch of tree limbs an it gaf her da runs like nobody’s business! Mom wuz not happy cleanin’ up all dat poo, I can tell ewe that!

She pestered Grady sumthin’ awful! She pestered ME sumthin’ awful! She tried to sleep in my bed! See her in da pikchur! Mom akshully let her do it, too. She sed I had to be nice ’cause Katie had a hard life. Whutever! I had a hard life, too! I meen, I wuz less dan one pound wen I wuz born, I wuz sick, an dey didn’t tink I wud make it either. But Mom seemed to forget all dat! She sed I had to play nice wid Katie an make her feel welcome. I made her feel welcome, all right! I bited her in da patootie every chance I got!

So, I asked Mom, “How did ewe come up wid da name Katie?” She sed it was after her favorite Star Trek character within a character. I wuz like, “Oh, God! Here we go wid da Star Trek stuff again!” See, I wuz named after Jadzia Dax from Star Trek Deep Space Nine. Egad! So, I hads to be polite an I sed, “Gee, Mom…tell me da story how ewe named Katie, pweeze?!” I wuz seriously weady to hurl, but figgered I better be nice if I wanted a treat. She said, “Well, Jazzy, I really liked Star Trek Voyager. And I liked the episode when they introduced Fair Haven, a holographic town. One of the characters in it was called ‘Katie O’Clair’ played by Captain Katherine Janeway, who just happened to be played by Kate Mulgrew in real life.” Note dat I am gaggin’ at dis point, but I tried to remain attentive an interested.

I may haf akshully passed out at sum point…

She continued, “So, since I have named all my Dobermans ‘Baron’ as the first part of their name and Grady’s last name was ‘O’Malley’ and that’s rather fitting for the little Irish village of Fair Haven, I’m going to call her Baroness Katie O’Malley. What do you think?”

I pulled myself from my stupor an sed, “Gee, Mom…whut an interesting story! Kan I haf a treat now?” I don’t tink she appreciated my sarcasm at dat point.

So the wittle skinny puppy became Katie. I quickly changed it to Dopey Katie because she acted so dumb on occasion! Plus it has a nice ring to it. Jazzy the Amazing Wiener. Dopey Katie. It’s appropriate!

Grady weally liked Katie, not dat he wud admit it to jest anyone. He tol me ‘cuz we wuz tight. He sed, “Ewe no, Jazz, I weally do kinda like da wittle whippersnapper.” Well, whut he akshully sed was, “Jazz, Katie is a pain in the ass, but I think she’ll turn out to be an okay Dobe. Continue the family line and all.” Again, Mom tol me to keep it kleen, so I bleeped out all da bad words!

Katie growed up to be a weally nice dog an I jest don’t say dat ’cause she’s like a hunnerd times bigger dan me. She donut let anyone mess wid me. She takes weally good care of me. Like, da oder day, Maggie Monster an Big Head (dat’s Xena the Pit Bull) were startin’ to play weally crazy on da couch in da living room. Katie wuz layin’ by Mom an she saw me headin’ towards da livin’ room. She growled at me an dat’s her way of tellin’ me it’z not safe in da living room. At first, Mom wud get onto her for doing it ‘cuz she thought Katie wuz beeing meen to me. But Mom finally figgered out dat wuz Katie’s way of warning me off ‘cuz she only did it when de oder girls were playin’ ruff. Dat’s purty smart, if ewe ask me. But if ewe tell her I sed she wuz smart, I will deny it forever! For a Doberman, however, she iz a purty smart dog. A heck of a lot smarter dan Maggie Monster an Big Head!

Katie gots into da modeling bidness wid me for Mom’s TylerDog Pet Greeting Cards. But I had to show her da ropes. I tol her, “See, Katie, ewe gots to wurk it like this. Refuse to pose until ewe get da treat. If ewe pose first, she will make ewe do all kinds of stuff before ewe ever get one stinkin’ treat!” Katie didn’t belief me at first, but den she saw how Mom wuz, so she tried it. But dat dumb Doberman wants to pweeze Mom so bad, she almost always furgets an doesn’t get as many treats as I do.

I also had to tell Katie, “Look. Ewe may be da new kid on da block, but I am da reigning sales queen at TylerDog. So, don’t tink jest ’cause ewe are a cute puppy an all dat ewe will take over my spot!” Da first yeer dat Mom sold Katie’s cards, she did purty good, but I still sold more dan she did. Now everytime Mom has a photo shoot, we fight to see who gets on da table first. It’s not fair ‘cuz Katie jumps up der an I can’t quite jump dat far! I tol her, “Next time ewe jump in front of me, ewe big dopey Doberman, I’m gonna bite ur foot off!” I even posted a blog entry showing how meen she kan be! Oh, wait…maybe dat wuz me beeing meen an baring my teeth. Well, nevermind!

So, anyway, happy birthday Dopey….uh…sweet Katie. I wish ewe many, many more!

Luv,
Jazzy the Amazing Wiener

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