My cat brother, Tucker, died last night. Dat’s him up above wid me on da couch. Izn’t he handsome? He wuz 14 years old. My Mom iz very sad an tinks dat it’s her fault ’cause he gots into a cat fight an Mom didn’t get him to da vet fast enough. I tol her, “Mom, it wuzn’t ur fault. It was his time to go to da Rainbow Bridge. Grady’s been der for a few years an he wuz lonely, so Tucker’s gonna be an angel like Grady.” Dat made Mom sad, but happy to nos dat Grady an Tucker wud be together again.
Tucker wuz a weally kool cat. I meen, he didn’t act like a regular cat at all! He wud lay wid us, me an Grady, like a dog. He didn’t use no stinkin’ litter box. He wud go to da door like we did an do his bidness, den come wight back in! I meen to tell ewe, Tucker was all right!
Mom gots Tucker wen he wuz only 10 days old. A frend brought him to her afer finding him in da middle of da street. Poor Tucker didn’t even nos how to eat, so Mom had to bottle feed him fur weeks! She had to teech him jest about everyting! Mom only had Tyler den, I wuzn’t around yet. Tyler looked at Tucker like he was a bug! But dey got along all ok.
Den Mom gots Grady an dey ended up being best friends! Dey wud take naps together until Tucker wud bite Grady on da ear fur no reason! Grady wud jump up out of a dead sleep an look at him like, “Whut did ewe do dat for?!” Tucker jest smacked him wid his tail and sauntered off, swishing his tail back an forth. He’s my kinda cat!
One time, Tucker wuz out being an alley kat…ewe nos whut dat iz, right? He was prowling around. An he gots into trouble ’cause sum meen peeple locked him in a building. Mom cried an cried…she thought she’d never find him. I tol her, “Mom, donut wurry. Tucker will be all wight. God will help us find him.” An God did. A couple weeks later, Mom herd dis wittle bitty “meow” coming from down da alley, two houses over. She runned over der an he was locked in dis garage! She broked da door open, scooped him up and taked him home! Grady and Tyler were so happy to see him, dey kissed him! A dog kissing a cat, can ewe imagine?! Of course, wight after dey kissed him, they spitted for like an hour!
Okay…now if ewe done da math, I guess ewe haf figgered out dat I prolly wasn’t around when Tyler was alive…which meens dat I wudn’t haf been able to tell Mom dat it was gonna be all right ’cause God was gonna help us find him. Well, ewe iz right. I wasn’t here. But I nowed dat God wud help, so I thought it an sent it to her in a future thought. Yeah, dat sounds gud. Besides, me and God, we’re tight. Like, jest da oder day, I told God, “Hey, did you nos dat dog spelled backwards is God?” God looked at me, sorta like Mom looks at me quite often an He sed, “Um, Jazzy, I think it’s God spelled backwards is dog.” I tol Him, “Whutever!!!!” He jest sighed. He does dat a lot wid me.
But I digress…
Tucker was jest a weally kool cat. Mom wud take pikchurs of him an he wud jest pose like a pro…almost as gud as me! He will never be furgotten ’cause Mom made TylerDog greeting cards wid him on ‘em, too! So now everyone will nos whut a purty kitty Tucker was.
Tucker, I’ll miss ewe.
Love, forever, Jazzy.
Hey, all ewe wiener lovers! How’s it shakin’ dis fine Wednesday morning? Fur me, it’s cold so I’m bloggin’ frum unner da covers! I’m so glad dat Mom got da WordPress iPhone app. Makes it a lot easier on me to blog frum my bed!
So, guess whut Mom over at TylerDog did? She made me a calendar! Yep, dat’s right! I haf my own 2011 dog calendar featuring me, Jazzy the Amazing Wiener called Darling Dachshunds 2011 Calendar! Is dat kool or whut? Ewe kan haf ur very own 2011 Darling Dachshunds calendar by clickin’ on this link or da pikchur at right.
It’s got like 12 months of ME! Yep, dat’s right! Ewe can haf a full year of purty pikchurs of me gracing your wall. Now, I nos dat all ewe wanna run right out an buy lots of des for ur family an friends. Remember, Christmas is coming up and da more calendars ewe buy, da more treats I get! Oh, dat’s not da reason for Christmas gifts? Oops! I meen to say dat da more calendars ewe buy, da happier peeple will be…like me, of course!
I weally dink dat I look purty on da cover, don’t ewe? Dere are baby pikchurs of me in da calendar, holiday pikchurs, me rollin’ around on da grass pikchurs, an let’s jest face it, weally cute pikchurs ’cause I’m a wiener! Us wieners can’t help but take good pikchurs!
Mom also made one for Grady, even tho he isn’t wid us anymore. Mom needs to buy da 2011 version for herself ’cause she’s had da 2009 version hangin’ on da wall an I gets confused what doggone day it is! Sheesh, Mom, update it already, wud ya?! Here’s Grady’s calendar an link, too. He looks weally handsome an I miss him a whole lot!
Mom sed she is gonna wurk on more calendars for oder dog breeds an maybe a cat or two. I told her we didn’t need no stinkin’ cats, but she told me to hush ’cause lots of peeple like cats an we haf to be nice. I told her I didn’t haf to be nothin’ cause, after all, I am Jazzy the Amazing Wiener! She told me I say dat too much an ewe nos whut I sed, “Kiss my patootie, Mom!” She jest shaked her head an sighed. She does dat a lot around me! BOL! BOL!
Strut Your Mutt
Did ewe nos dat Mom is gonna take Dopey Katie an Monster Maggie to Strut Your Mutt? I iz so mad! I don’t gets to go ’cause Mom sed I bark too much! Well, whut am I supposed to do? Shake hands wid everyone? I’m a wiener! I’m little! If I don’t bark, peeple won’t see me an der day wud be ruined! Doesn’t she no nuthin’?!
Anyway, if ewe don’t haf anything to do on Saturday, November 6 from 10 a.m.-1 p.m. ewe kan go to Pathfinder behind the Bartlesville High School an join up wid everyone an haf a good time! It’s a fundraiser for Bark Park Buddies for a public dog park in Bartlesville (which I’m sure I don’t get to go to eider! Sheesh!). Admission is $5 per person an Mom sed dey wud haf contests, hot dogs (not me!), refreshments, an more kool stuff! Please, sumone go so I can at least haf a report of whut goes on at des fun events!
Well, all ewe wieners, I gots to go! Remember, love ur human ’cause dey needs it!
Hey, all ewe wiener lovers! Yep, it’s me, Jazzy the Amazing Wiener! I’ve been takin’ an extra long summer vakashun as ewe kan see from my lapse of posting! Stop grumbling! A wiener’s gotta do whut a wiener’s gotta do!
I’m shure ewe noticed my weally hot pikchur above in my purty new bikini! I do look like one hot dog, don’t eye?! See, I’m gettin’ weady for a weally cool event called da “Dog Days of Summer Pool Party!” It’s gonna happy on Sunday, August 15th frum 6-8 p.m.
an my furry friends, da Bark Park Buddies, are going to host it along wid da Benevolent and Protective Order of Elks. I donut nos if dat meens der will be weal elks der, but it shud make for sum fun pikchurs!
Anyways, da pool party is gonna be at de Elks Lodge over at 1060 Swan Drive behind da Walmart in Bartlesville, OK. Dat’s where I lives. It costs $5 per dog and $2 per person to get in all da fun! Plus der will be hot dogs, a raffle, contests, an more! Man, I tell ya, it’s gonna be a weally gud time! I may be wittle, but I bet ewe I kan outswim any oder wiener out der!
Here’s a poster about da event…my Mom over at Tyler Creative made it. I taught her everyting dat she nos! She’s purty good, huh?!
Oh, an I’m not supposed to tell dis, but she is totally redesigning her Web site an also redesigning da TylerDog Cards web site wid a new store an everyting! I’ll tell all ewe about it first ‘for she does ’cause I am Jazzy the Amazing Wiener Who Knows All and Tells All!
So, back to da pool party…
Even tho I say dat Katie is dopey, she looks kinda cute in her bikini, too, don’t ewe tink? I tink dat we wud be da two cutest girls ever at da party!
So if ewe haf nuthin’ to do, come out to da Bark Park Buddies “Dog Days of Summer Pool Party” an party wid da hot dogs!
All my luv to my wiener fans!
Jazzy the Amazing Wiener
Hey, all ewe wiener lovers! I iz back wid my latest Wiener Wisdom. It’s more of a Wiener Gripe, but hey, gotta be konsistent wid wording, wight? Ready?
Wiener Wisdom #10: Beware of exploding Doberman Pinscher brains!
Okay, now dat might sound like a weally weird ting to type! But I gots to comment on dis simply ’cause Mom came home an told me about it. It made me laff so hard I thought I’d die! BOL! BOL! (For de uninitiated, BOL means “barking out loud!” See, us dogs haf our own online shorthand!).
Okay, da weason I typed dat iz ’cause of dis story dat Mom told me. She sed dat twice now she has been asked dis question by peeple who claims to be knowledgeable dog persons. Dey asked her if it was true dat de weason Doberman Pinschers attack der owners when dey get old (Myth #1), iz ’cause der brains keep growing in der skulls (Myth #2) an eventually der brains jest explode in der heads (Myth #3).
Mom sed wen she herd dis question, she was so stunned she cud hardly respond! I tol her dat it was prolly a gud ting I wasn’t der ’cause I wud haf had to slap des peeple silly! Come on peeple, let’s tink about dis! Mom sed I had to type da Myths correctly so it shows up in da search engines wight (whutever dat meens), so here goes…
Myth #1: Dobermans (or any dog for that matter) attack their owners when they get old.
False. If getting old means you get aggressive and attack, might want to avoid my Mom. She just turned 47 and will probably go Crazy Mad Dog on your patootie if age is a factor in aggression. Mom is a “red zone” case if I’ve ever seen one! (I wanted to type ass back there, but Mom said this is a G-rated blog. I told her to grow a pair!).
Seriously, dogs don’t attack because they get old. Dogs, or any animal for that matter, can attack at any age, yes. And when they do, granted it’s terrible. But I go back to what I have always said: Train your dog properly and you will avoid situations like this. Most animals attack only when provoked. Now, before you email bomb me for that, I said most. Are some attacks unprovoked? Yes. Especially when dealing with unpredictable wild animals. But we’re not talking about Mom…I mean wild animals. We’re talking about dogs. Ultimately, it falls back on the human to train their dogs to be social and well-mannered, not Crazy Mad Dog like my Mom! Train your dogs, people, so they know not to chase the mailman or chew ankles off the UPS guy. You got ‘em. It’s your responsibility!
Myth #2: Dobermans (or any dog for that matter) brains continue to grow in their skull after maturity.
False! Does YOUR brain continue to grow to the point of exploding? Think about it! I won’t even go any further in dignifying this remark. You reach maturity, your brain does, too. Or at least one hopes it does. Some folks still walk around with an adolescent brain! Trust me, I’ve witnessed enough adolescent brains in grown-up folk, and I’m just a little Wiener.
Myth #3: Dobermans have a tendency to have exploding brains.
False. My Mom has owned Doberman Pinschers for 28 years and in those 28 years, she has yet to witness an exploding Doberman brain. On occasion, I have wished Katie’s brain would explode, especially after she chews on my head or thinks my back leg is a chicken leg! Otherwise, no exploding Doberman brains here.
Okay, I’m done typin’ korreckly.
Now, as much as I make fun of Dopey Katie an tell peeple she’s stupid an all, for a dog, she’s purty smart. Accordin’ to an artikle Mom wead to me, “Doberman Pinschers ranked #5 in a scientific study by psychology researcher Stanley Coren, based on an analysis of data from dog-obedience judges in the U.S. and Canada (Cesar’s Way magazine, April 2010, pg. 21).” Not bad. I’m rather ticked off, tho. Dey didn’t say nuthin’ about Dachshunds beein’ smart. I tink da results were wigged, I tell ya!
Anyway, next time sumone asks ewe if Doberman brains explode, ewe now haf all da information ewe need to enlighten dem…wight before ewe smack ‘em upside da head!
Buddy the Doberman Pinscher Mix
Speakin’ of Dobermans (guess dis is a Dobie day!), Mom has been wurkin’ wid a weally sweet Dobie mix named Buddy. Buddy was dumped at da Washington County SPCA. He was weally skeered at first. He wudn’t walk on a leash an did da Alligator Roll! He wud eat his leash, too! Mom started wurkin’ wid him an now Buddy walks like a champion! He also is learnin’ how to sit, down, an stay. Mom sed he loves to pway fetch, but mostly Buddy just loves to be loved. I tink dat I’m gonna start callin’ him Buddy Love! Here’s his pikchur…isn’t he handsome?
Der are so many wonderful animals available for adoption at the Washington County SPCA. Even if ewe don’t or kan’t adopt one, dey still need volunteers who will walk da dogs, love da kitties, an jest help out in general! One of my Mom’s hewmon friends has an group called GiveJust1. It talks about how if we all jest gave one day of service to help another, whut a wonderful world it wud be. Tink about it! GiveJust1!
An on dat note, I bid ewe adieu! Hugs and luv to ewe all!
Jazzy the Amazing Wiener!
Hey, all ewe wiener lovers. It’s been awhile an yeah, my wiener wisdom has been sorely lackin’ des days! But I’m back an wid a vengeance! So, wanna hear my latest Wisdom?
Wiener Wisdom #9: April showers brings muddy paws!
I wunner if Mom will jest karry me everywhere?! I’m wittle, I don’t weigh dat much an shoot, she cud jest karry me like a football an den my wittle feets wud never haf to get muddy!
Yesterday, I watched Lily playin’ wid da soccer ball an man, was her face all muddy! I told Mom she shure wud look cute wid a Mia Hamm jersey on while she plays wid da ball. Lily was all like, “Huh? Did ewe say I get sum ham?” Poor Loopy Lily. She’s jest not weally bright, but I luf my pet! I tink she’s been hangin’ out wid Dopey Katie a wittle too much!
Mom in Cesar’s Way magazine
I haf sum gud news! I am weally proud of my Mom. Oder dan da fact she jest turned 47 on April 1st and is weally old (oops! I wasn’t supposed to say dat, was I?! ), she jest found out her photos were published in a magazine called Cesar’s Way! Dat’s Cesar Millan, the Dog Whisperer. He has a weally cool magazine an her pikchurs are on pages 95 and 96, featuring Betty, Scrappy, and Kelly for a brand new series called “Adorable, Adoptable and Ready for Love.” Dey forgot to give her credit, so look for da pikchurs of da dogs she photograffed! Izn’t dat kool? I’m so proud of ewe, Mom! Here’s a link to da photos she taked.
I tink dat she tinks now she’s gonna be famous like me. I humored her an sed, “Oh, sure, Mom! Ewe will be!” She jest doesn’t unnerstand, tho. She is gud, no doubt. I meen, shoot. I taught her everyting I nos, so she bedder be gud! But I am amazing! I meen, der is a weason my name is Jazzy the Amazing Wiener!
All wight, wiener lovers. Dat’s all for now! Have a wunnerful Monday
Jazzy the Amazing Wiener!