Wiener Wisdom #10

Hey, all ewe wiener lovers! I iz back wid my latest Wiener Wisdom. It’s more of a Wiener Gripe, but hey, gotta be konsistent wid wording, wight? Ready?

Wiener Wisdom #10: Beware of exploding Doberman Pinscher brains!

Beware! This Doberman puppy might grow up to have an exploding brain!

Okay, now dat might sound like a weally weird ting to type! But I gots to comment on dis simply ’cause Mom came home an told me about it. It made me laff so hard I thought I’d die! BOL! BOL! (For de uninitiated, BOL means “barking out loud!” See, us dogs haf our own online shorthand!).

Okay, da weason I typed dat iz ’cause of dis story dat Mom told me. She sed dat twice now she has been asked dis question by peeple who claims to be knowledgeable dog persons. Dey asked her if it was true dat de weason Doberman Pinschers attack der owners when dey get old (Myth #1), iz ’cause der brains keep growing in der skulls (Myth #2) an eventually der brains jest explode in der heads (Myth #3).

Mom sed wen she herd dis question, she was so stunned she cud hardly respond! I tol her dat it was prolly a gud ting I wasn’t der ’cause I wud haf had to slap des peeple silly! Come on peeple, let’s tink about dis! Mom sed I had to type da Myths correctly so it shows up in da search engines wight (whutever dat meens), so here goes…

Myth #1: Dobermans (or any dog for that matter) attack their owners when they get old.
False. If getting old means you get aggressive and attack, might want to avoid my Mom. She just turned 47 and will probably go Crazy Mad Dog on your patootie if age is a factor in aggression. Mom is a “red zone” case if I’ve ever seen one! (I wanted to type ass back there, but Mom said this is a G-rated blog. I told her to grow a pair!).

I digress…

Seriously, dogs don’t attack because they get old. Dogs, or any animal for that matter, can attack at any age, yes. And when they do, granted it’s terrible. But I go back to what I have always said: Train your dog properly and you will avoid situations like this. Most animals attack only when provoked. Now, before you email bomb me for that, I said most. Are some attacks unprovoked? Yes. Especially when dealing with unpredictable wild animals. But we’re not talking about Mom…I mean wild animals. We’re talking about dogs. Ultimately, it falls back on the human to train their dogs to be social and well-mannered, not Crazy Mad Dog like my Mom! Train your dogs, people, so they know not to chase the mailman or chew ankles off the UPS guy. You got ’em. It’s your responsibility!

Myth #2: Dobermans (or any dog for that matter) brains continue to grow in their skull after maturity.
False! Does YOUR brain continue to grow to the point of exploding? Think about it! I won’t even go any further in dignifying this remark. You reach maturity, your brain does, too. Or at least one hopes it does. Some folks still walk around with an adolescent brain! Trust me, I’ve witnessed enough adolescent brains in grown-up folk, and I’m just a little Wiener.

Myth #3: Dobermans have a tendency to have exploding brains.
My Mom has owned Doberman Pinschers for 28 years and in those 28 years, she has yet to witness an exploding Doberman brain. On occasion, I have wished Katie’s brain would explode, especially after she chews on my head or thinks my back leg is a chicken leg! Otherwise, no exploding Doberman brains here.

Okay, I’m done typin’ korreckly.

Now, as much as I make fun of Dopey Katie an tell peeple she’s stupid an all, for a dog, she’s purty smart. Accordin’ to an artikle Mom wead to me, “Doberman Pinschers ranked #5 in a scientific study by psychology researcher Stanley Coren, based on an analysis of data from dog-obedience judges in the U.S. and Canada (Cesar’s Way magazine, April 2010, pg. 21).” Not bad. I’m rather ticked off, tho. Dey didn’t say nuthin’ about Dachshunds beein’ smart. I tink da results were wigged, I tell ya!

Anyway, next time sumone asks ewe if Doberman brains explode, ewe now haf all da information ewe need to enlighten dem…wight before ewe smack ’em upside da head!

Buddy the Doberman Pinscher Mix

Speakin’ of Dobermans (guess dis is a Dobie day!), Mom has been wurkin’ wid a weally sweet Dobie mix named Buddy. Buddy was dumped at da Washington County SPCA. He was weally skeered at first. He wudn’t walk on a leash an did da Alligator Roll! He wud eat his leash, too! Mom started wurkin’ wid him an now Buddy walks like a champion! He also is learnin’ how to sit, down, an stay. Mom sed he loves to pway fetch, but mostly Buddy just loves to be loved. I tink dat I’m gonna start callin’ him Buddy Love! Here’s his pikchur…isn’t he handsome?

Photograph of Buddy, a red Doberman Pinscher mix. Copyright © 2010 Sherry L. Stinson

Buddy the Doberman reacts to the iPhone as it rings while taking his photo!

Der are so many wonderful animals available for adoption at the Washington County SPCA. Even if ewe don’t or kan’t adopt one, dey still need volunteers who will walk da dogs, love da kitties, an jest help out in general! One of my Mom’s hewmon friends has an group called GiveJust1. It talks about how if we all jest gave one day of service to help another, whut a wonderful world it wud be. Tink about it! GiveJust1!

An on dat note, I bid ewe adieu! Hugs and luv to ewe all!

Jazzy the Amazing Wiener!


Leave a Reply