Dat’s whut I tink of sneaky treats!

See, dos hewmons of ours, dey sumtimes tink dat dey haf to trick us into takin’ our medicine an stuff. So dey get out da peanut butter, dey get out da hot dogs, dey resort to flat-out trickery! It’s jest not wight, I tell ewe! Now I never nos if Mom is givin’ me a treat jest ’cause I’m the princess dat I am or if she’s sneekin’ sum glue-cosa…gluckomeen…glue stuff into my treat to make my back bedder! She’s makin’ me paranoid, I swear!

So, a word to da wise…sniff dos treats gud before ewe bite into it! An it doesn’t hurt to pretend to be a cat, every so often, an gack it back up if ewe find da pill!

Luv,
Jazzy the Amazing Wiener

Hey all ewe wiener lovers! I’m back at ‘cha wid da third installment of Wiener Wisdom. Are ewe weady for it?

Wiener Wisdom #3: Why walk wen ewe kan make ur hewmon carry ewe?

Now, I nos for sum of ewe dat’s jest not an option. Katie twied it for a longtime an even now she twies to climb up on Mom to get carried. But she jest looks silly! An sure, maybe a Saint Bernard or Mastiff or sumthin’ like dat kan’t be carried around…

Me, on da oder hand, I’m jest da perfect size for my hewmons to pick me up an carry me everywhere! I learned early on dat if I look up at my hewmons wid weally sad little eyes, dey will do jest about anyting! Now dat’s a secret, so don’t be tellin’ Mom or givin’ her dis Web address, okay? I gots to keep my hewmons in line, an if sad wittle Wiener eyes works, den I’ll do it!

So remember, why walk wen ewe kan be carried! 🙂

Luv,
Jazzy the Amazing Wiener

Wiener Wisdom #2: Winter’s not so much fun wen ur belly is only two inches off da ground!

Dis pikchur was an ice storm from a few years ago an I learned my lesson den: ur belly freezes off wen ewe go outside in it! So now I don’t wander around anymore, dat’s why Mom don’t haf any new pikchurs of me in da snow. I ain’t posin’ in da freezin’ cold unless I get something special written in my kontract!

Now wen it snows, I goes out, dos my bidness, den I high-tail it back to da house! Wight now, I’m lyin’ on my bed in front of where da heat comes out. I’m one smart wiener!

Haf a gud day, all ewe wieners!

Luv,
Jazzy the Amazing Wiener

Hey all ewe wiener lovers! I promised dat I wud start a new column called Wiener Wisdom and I’m a wiener of my wurd, so here we go!

Wiener Wisdom #1: Avoid da yellow snow!

Trust me, it’s not lemon-flavored! An dos brown tings aren’t tootsie rolls, my sweet! I learned dat a longtime ago wen Grady was alive. He made lots of yellow snow! Wen I was jest a baby, I thought dat it wud taste gud, but tank dog Grady caught me before I licked it! So, now even tho I like to pick on Katie, I did warn her about da yellow snow. She keeps tryin’ to get Lily to eat it, but tank dog dat Lily is smart enuff not to eider!

So there ewe haf it,Wiener Wisdom #1. Now I haf to do #2, 3, and 4 so I can get caught up! By da end of next year, I hopes to haf 365 days of Wiener Wisdom.

See ya later, my sweets!

Luv,
Jazzy the Amazing Wiener

Hey, all ewe wiener lovers! I nos dat ewe haf been waiting with bated breath (no, not bad breath, bated breath!) to see whut my New Year’s Rezolushun #1 is, right? Okay, without further adieu…

New Year’s Rezolushun #1: Love one another!

Even tho I always talk about how dopey Katie is and all dat mean wiener stuff, I weally do luv her. I gots to thinkin’ about dat de oder day wen she comed over to my bed (well it’s weally her bed, but dat’s anoder story for anoder day), and laid down next to me. She was weally warm, so I snuggled up next to her, she put her hed next to mine, and we went to sleep. Dat’s when I new whut my New Year’s Rezolushun #1 was going to be: Love one another!

See, I tink da biggest ting dat’s wrong wid da world today is peeple haf forgotten how to love one anoder. An I’m not talkin’ about dat gooey, google-eye, moony-type luv dat ewe hewmons seem to engage in on a wegular basis (seriously, sniffin’ butts is much faster!)! Us dogs, we love each oder all da time. Sure, we bark and snarl and stuff, but dat’s only so we find out who’s who an where dey fit in da pack. Not everybody can be da leader. Dat’s my job! But once we gots it figgered out, most of da time we gets along jest fine wid each oder! It’s da hewmons dat normally ’cause problems in da pack!

Us dogs, we don’t kare if anoder dog is fat or skinny or tall or short or black or white or yellow or whutever! We don’t kare if ur a Doberman Pinscher or Catahoula or Rhodesian Ridgeback or Boston Terrier or MinPin! We don’t kare if anoder dog has a fancy collar or jest a rope. We don’t kare if anoder dog has bad breath or not. We jest don’t kare. It’s not part of how we luv one anoder at all ’cause we don’t get caught up in all dat stuff! All we see is DOG! An wen we sees DOG, we nos dat dey are part of our pack.

But ewe hewmons…gosh, where do I start? I alweady talked about how ewe rush around all da time, forgetting da tings dat are important. I talked about how ewe shud stop an smell da roses an I talked about how ewe shud keep ur nose kleen. Yet most important, I tink, is dat ewe haf forgotten how to love one anoder. Ewe haf forgotten dat ewe are all part of da same big pack! Sometimes it seems like so many peeple are angry or sad or somewhere in between. Dey haf forgotten how to be happy ’cause dey haf forgotten how to love. Dey haf forgotten dey’re part of the world pack an let’s face it, peeple, we needs one anoder.

Ewe might say, “What the heck do you know? You’re just a wiener!” Yep, dat is wight; I is jest a wittle wiener. But I learned a longtime ago dat luv is da one ting that makes a difference in dis world. I’m talking about selfless, giving of ur heart kinda love dat touches oder people, dat weaches out to da brokenhearted, to da sad, to the lonely ones of da world pack. I sorta touched on dat idea yesterday when I talked about helpin’ oders, leadin’ up to today.

See, wen ewe is full of love, it’s hard to feel meen or hold grudges or talk about ur neighbor. Wen ewe is full of love, ur not lookin’ over ur shoulder, waitin’ for sumone to be mean to ewe. Wen ewe is full of love, ur heart is light. It’s happy. If ur heart is full of luv, der is jest no room in it for anyting else. I meen, jest look at all da luv we hear about…

Da Big Guy upstairs said, “Love one another as I have loved you.”*

Da Beatles sang, “All you need is love…”

England Dan and John Ford Coley sang, “Light of the world, shine on me, love is the answer…”

Okay, so Mom listens to 70’s music a lot! It’s not like I can weach da iPod controls! 🙂

Do a search on Google an ewe’ll find 1.49 trillion results for da word love! Yeah, sum of dem are prolly bad stuff, so don’t go look! 🙂

Anyways, I digress…

Us dogs, if sumthin’ happens an it makes one of us mad, we might growl, snap, show our teeth, but den seconds later, it’s ofer, long forgotten an we’re back to playin’. Ewe hewmons, on da oder hand, whoa Nellie! Sumthin’ makes one of ewes mad an boy, ewe guys shure kan hold onto grudges an hurt feelings! Why? Weally, whut gud is it doing any of ewe to hold onto sumthin’ jest ’cause? All it does it take up space in ur heart dat ewe cud fill up wid love an be much happier!

See, I kompletely belief dat if hewmanity will weally learn to luv one anoder as da Big Guy has loved us, den we cud accomplish amazing tings! If we cud put aside slights an hurts an learn to forgive, we cud weally change da world! An all it takes is filling ur heart wid love.

“How in the world can I do that,” ewe ask? If ewe want love, give love. Help a stranger. Visit an elderly person. Rescue an animal. Volunteer ur time. Help a child learn to read. A famous American writer once sed, “The love we give away is the only love we keep.” An dat is so true! If ewe wanna keep luv in ur heart, give love! Every single time dat ewe help anoder person, ewe are jest puttin’ money in da love bank!

I nos dat it’s not easy in today’s world to be happy. Der is sad stuff everyday an ewe might tink dat ’cause ur jest one person, ewe can’t make much difference. But dat is so not true! The power of one is whut makes dis world strong! Da power of one person who tries can move mountains. Da power of one person who stands up for change will see change. I tink dat Mother Teresa sed it best, “In this life we cannot always do great things. But we can do small things with great love.”

An on dat note, I wish ewe great luv dis year an more. Fill ur heart with luv.

Luv,
Jazzy the Amazing Wiener

*John 15:12